I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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