I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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