i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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