your room smells of hookers.
And success
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
