i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
