but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
