dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
