Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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