i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
