you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
