Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
