God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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