my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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