I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
