you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
