Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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