she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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