I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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