sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
