covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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