You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
