i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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