Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
