dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
