You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
