The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
