WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
