my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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