i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
