singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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