i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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