i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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