I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
