R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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