He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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