i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
