super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
