I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Even my vagina gasped.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
