I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
