just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
