Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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