you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He did a backflip because drugs
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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