Where is the hickey?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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