I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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