you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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