we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
