you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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