The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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