he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
