i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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