I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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