Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
