Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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