he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
